On July 9/12 one of my co-workers passed away at the age of 49 years. She was an amazing social worker and a true shining example of how we should all doing the work that we do. She was a great friend to so many of those that I work with and a real presence at the agency. She will continue to inspire us every day and we will miss her more then she would have ever expected. She died of cancer. A cancer that was not found until it was to late. A cancer that robbed her of a fulfilling life. A cancer that took her away from children who are in need. Can I just say how much I HATE cancer?!
Her memorial service was this past Wednesday. It was a TRUE memorial service. A celebration of her life, of who she was, of what she did best and of what she'll be forever remembered for. A past co-worker has left the agency and has gone to school to become as Pastor. She did the memorial service. This proved to be a very difficult task as she had worked with Frieda for a long time and they were very close. As I sat in the church with tears streaming down my face, I couldn't help but think "This all could have been for me". I was told many months ago that if my cancer had not been found when it was, this summer I would likely no longer be here. I looked at the beautiful framed picture of Frieda's smiling face and had a knot in my stomach. The memorial was not about me but I was so overcome by emotions and sheer anger that cancer has taken yet another amazing human being, I could hardly sit there. Watching the people that I care about feel so hurt and saddened by the loss of Frieda, listening to the music, seeing the pictures of Frieda in happier/healthier times and hearing all that everyone said about her was truly overwhelming for me. As I drove home that night I couldn't help but wonder what people would say about me. Frieda's sister spoke and it was so moving but would my brother really be able to speak?! What music would they play? Who would come? I couldn't help but reflect as I drove home feeling overwhelmed and drained. It was a beautiful memorial and a true celebration of her life.
I am just starting to process everything that has happened to me. It seemed to all happen so quickly that I really didn't give myself enough time to process. Now that I'm home and feeling pretty good it's time, I guess, for me to face what has happened. There are days when I am so overcome with my feelings that I get in the car and go to see anyone who is home. It's hard for me to be alone so I try not to be. I still have lots of little projects that I want to get done but I find that I just can't concentrate for very long. I've enjoyed the summer so far and have had lots of time with friends and family. It has been nice. But as I think about my pending return to work I know that I have to process all of this before I get back to my "life". So one day at a time. I still have my good and bad days but overall I'm feeling better and moving forward.
