Holy cow! I cannot believe that I have 2 weeks to go until I'm done treatment. I am so close I can taste it (well I can't actually taste much but you know what I mean). I am going to the pharmacy today to pick up my last 2 needles that I'll need after chemo and my 2nd last dose of steroid. It feels so surreal. I can't help but feel a bit scared at the same time. Scared that another shoe is going to drop, scared that this is all to good to be true, scared that when I leave that chemo suite next week I hope to never be back, scared that my whole world is going to crash in around me again. But within all that fear is sheer excitement that I CAN do this. That I HAVE done this. I BEAT this thing!! Excitement that I am stronger then I ever thought I would be. I have a new appreciation for my body and what it can do. There were SO many days that I was in bed, not able to do anything thinking I would never be the same again. Now here I am. With only 14 days to go. There were moments I never thought I would get to this point, times where I just wanted to give up and stop treatment, times where I would be sobbing in the bathtub because I just couldn't take any more. And here I am. I feel like I can do anything now. I am unstoppable.
I am relieved, excited, strong and scared all at the same time. Part of me cannot wait to get into chemo tomorrow, I NEVER thought I'd say that. I just want to be done. I just want to go on with my life. I just want to feel normal again. Before all of this I felt fine. Even with the cancer inside of me I felt fine. The last 4 months I have felt the worst I have ever felt in my life. I have been more tired then even the days that I never slept with Sam. I cannot wait to get feeling better and get back to doing what I love to do. I still have 2 rounds to go but this time I KNOW I can do this.
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