I got a call today from my "friends" at the chemo suite. They wanted to tell me that due to my "misbehaviour" and recent drug reaction last time, I am now to report to chemo on March 23rd at 9am. I'll be there until at least 3pm. FUN!!!! I better get some good movies downloaded or at least some good drugs to sleep. The other good news is that the chemo suite is closed on April 6th for Good Friday so.....my LAST chemo will be April 5th. That means I'm 1 day closer to being done. HURRAY!!!! My work friend Pam is coming down for my last chemo and we're going to make it a party. This journey has been a long haul and I cannot wait to finish the treatment part of things. I know my journey will continue forever but at least this part can be done. It's almost comical to find out what each chemo will bring to me. Nothing has been as they have said and now with my drug reaction, there just is never a dull moment. Here's hoping the last 2 go through with little to no drama. I'm a McCrea after all so there is bound to be some drama but minimal is best.
I have been feeling fairly good this treatment. The aches and pains started earlier this time and were a bit more intense. Sunday was a rough night as I could not get comfortable and learned after the fact that my Tylenol 1's contain caffeine. Super!!! No wonder I was wide awake all night. I was to sore to go down stairs and get more Tylenol and Kurt fell asleep in Jack's bed so I waited until the morning to take my over the counter Tylenol. Monday I was tired (obviously) and Jack was home sick. My legs were super achy and I wanted to tear my knee caps out for relief. The Tylenol seemed to help a bit but I was pretty uncomfortable all day. I took a sleeping pill last night so I had some sleep but woke today exhausted. I was hoping to go get groceries but when I went to get dressed I was to tired and just lied back down. I should of had a bath but was to tired for that too. The fatigue and lack of energy is the most frustrating part of all of this. I have great intentions but my body has other plans. I'm not use to having to think through everything I'm doing. It's hard to be at the mercy of your body. But I know it's not forever and I keep trying to hang onto that.
I'm happy the nice weather is coming and I look forward to easing myself into walking outside. Right now I doubt that I could walk around my court but if I just keep taking one house at a time, I'll get there. I'm in no rush and know I have the whole spring and summer to build my strength. My oncologist is not going to consider my return to work until the fall.
I continue to be blessed and overwhelmed by the love and support that I have by so many people. Today I got a text from a friend that said, "Do you know how amazing you are?". There are many days where I don't feel to amazing or strong or inspiring and I just let myself feel what I need to feel in those moments. It can't all be easy and so much of this has not been but I still feel that a positive attitude goes a long way. It would be way to easy to spend the day in bed crying and I need that energy to heal. But there are moments where I need to cry and it's a different kind of cry. A cry that comes from your big toe, that shakes your whole body, that you cannot stop and that fills your whole soul with fear. Those are the cries that take all my energy that would keep me in bed all day if I let them. So I give myself 10 minutes and then get over it. Some days that's easier then others.
For now, I feel like I'm in a good place. I have 23 days to go and I can see the ribbon at the finish line. I don't think for a second that those 23 days will be easy but the end is in sight and I'm hanging onto that.
No comments:
Post a Comment