I had a great weekend spent with friends and family. Slowly getting into the Christmas spirit and enjoying watching the kids get excited for Santa. Krista, Devan and the kids are in for the holidays so that's nice. The kids like to play together.
We had family pictures done on Saturday. I wanted to have some pictures done while I still had my long hair. I'm thinking about cutting it short so I can save my pony tail and get use to my short hair before it all falls out. I'm really struggling with the thought of not being able to have any control during my treatment. So far I have had no control and it's really been hard for me. I like to plan things and cannot plan anything right now. I'm at the mercy of my appointments, doctors and tests. I feel a like a lab rat!!
I have 2 appointments this week. Tuesday I meet the radiologist and Wednesday I have a CT scan. In between all that I'd like to try and get my shopping done seeing as Christmas is in a week. I am having trouble sleeping at night. I'm up all night but then exhausted during the day. I was able to nap today which helped but I woke up feeling exhausted. My anxiety is through the roof and I just feel like I need to have a date to start my chemo and just start. I'm anxious about all the side effects and how I'll feel so if I can just get a few treatments under my belt then I can have a better idea of what will happen and how I'll feel. The fear of the unknown in all of this is scary. It's hard when I don't feel sick now to think I'll have medication that will make me feel sick in order to feel better?! It's a hard concept to wrap my head around.
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