"You have cancer" is not something I ever imagined hearing at the age of 33 years. I've always been healthy, worked out, ate well and did everything I thought I was suppose to do to ensure a long life. On November 11/11 my world came crashing down when I heard that I had breast cancer. All I could think of were my kids and how they would never remember me if I were to die. I spent that whole weekend crying, not being able to look at my kids, see pictures of me with my kids and wondering who would be strong enough to speak at my funeral. I had myself essentially dead and buried. I was numb, in shock and completely angry with the world. I didn't know how to tell people let alone with family that I had cancer. I hate people worrying about me and have never been the type of person to rely on others for anything. This is all going to have to change. Between my diagnosis and my surgery date of November 22nd I had to decide what kind of surgery I wanted to have. My surgeon (who is AMAZING) reassured me that he would get the lump out with a lumpectomy. I looked at him and said, "What if I want a double mastectomy". He said, "I'll do that". He wanted me to do my research but in the end said he'd do anything I wanted. Afterall I was the one who had to live with this. After SO many sleepless nights, tears, worry and research I decided on a double mastectomy. I felt I owed it to my family to do everything I could to ensure the cancer was gone and the chances of it re-occuring were minimized.
November 22/11 I reported to St. Mary's hospital at 7am for my double mastectomy (day surgery!!) and cried from the second I got there until they put me out in the OR at 11:30am. I was a total basket case. I have never been that scared in my life and also had to face that this was all really happening. Until that time I knew that this was real but a little piece of me was still in denial. When they put me under in the OR I was crying uncontrollably. I think it was probably a relief for the nurses that I went to sleep!! I woke up having no idea where I was and totally out of it. I was happy to see Kurt once I was out of recovery and was surprised by his worried look. Apparently no one had come to talk to him about the surgery and no one knew what was going on. Not only was Kurt in the waiting room but my mom, Kurt's parents and three of my dearest friends were there too. Kurt said, "Do you want to see anyone" and I just shook my head and said "No". I was not feeling or looking to hot and felt I just wanted to be with Kurt in that moment. I was eventually well enough (according to the nurse) to leave and was home by 6:30pm. For the coming weeks I recovered well and was discharged quickly from home care - proof that my body still has lots of fight in it. I was well taken care of my friends and family and have tone food in my fridge and 2 freezers thanks to my friends, work team and family. I have been totally overwhelmed by the love and support that we have received.
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