Today Kurt and I bit the bullet and ventured out to Christmas shop for the boys. Kurt took the morning off and we managed to get everything done just shortly after noon. It was nice to just be out and do things that felt normal.
After I dropped him off at school I came home and finally looked through all the information I was given last week by the Oncologist. I have been putting it off for a week and had to start reading it and writing down questions. I re-read my pathology report - I'm not really sure what I was looking to find (maybe that it said something different) but found myself reading it over again and again. I started my list of questions, phoned a salon and made an appointment to get fitted for a wig and called my benefits company to see if a drug I need to take is covered. That was my max for the day and I quickly threw all the paperwork back in my bag. I felt a bit bummed while I sat looking at the Christmas tree so decided to clean the kitchen. I have visions of my house being spotless as I try to keep busy - funny how there always seems to be something to clean no matter what.
After picking up the boys from daycare and Kurt from school we had a quick dinner and then to the basement to play trains - a little more normal - while waiting for Krista and the kids to arrive. When they got here we cracked open the glow sticks, turned the lights off and had a "dance party". It felt great to dance with the kids and watch them have a ton of fun.
The boys help me to keep motivated but looking at them I am reminded about how hard this whole thing is. It just doesn't seem to fair to them that I have to go through all of this. I worry about how Jack will feed off all my emotions and try to stay positive when he's around. Their faces and smiles light up the room and that's all I need to be reminded of what I need to do to get though this.
I got a sneak peek of our family pictures from Saturday morning. I bawling my eyes out when I watched the slideshow. Jennifer was able to capture so much emotion. It was amazing but also hard for me to look at how much my kids love me when they look at me or when we're together. I got to see emotion in their eyes that I don't normally get to see. Jennifer has given us such a gift in the pictures and I will never be able to thank her enough.
Tomorrow I'm off to meet my Radiologist. I'm not really sure what is going to happen tomorrow as I won't even start radiation until May at the earliest. So I am expecting a meet and greet but who knows. Wednesday I have my CT scan which will be the end of the scans and tests until after Christmas. The hospital is starting to feel like my home away from home.
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