I took a bit of a break from my blog after my last chemo. I felt it was time to look at how I am going to "live life" and also focus on our trip to South Carolina.
We left April 16th and spent 2 weeks in the sunny South. I SO love that State and could move there in a second. The beaches, the food, the climate and the Southern hospitality. We were able to spend 3 days with our friend Marlena, her beautiful boy Alex and her mom Mary. They are the sweetest people around and it was great to see them and meet Alex. Jack and Sam went wild for Alex and couldn't get enough of him. Our trip was nice but hectic. We spent a day at the Aquarium, a day at an indoor playground and lots of time on the beach. Mom and I did some power shopping and got some great deals.
It was nice to be away from chemo, doctors and not to have any appointments. It was still hard not to think about cancer. Every day I still thought about it. Thought about trying to create memories while I still could, hoping this was not my last family trip or trip to SC. It sounds so morbid I know but it's hard not to let those thoughts creep in. I would be doing something and then think "Oh, I haven't thought about cancer yet today" then I'd think about it. I am sure those moments will get longer and I will think of cancer less and less but for now, it's still a daily thought.
Physically I am feeling pretty good. I have numbness in my fingers and hands which, doesn't hurt but is really annoying. I can't open and close ziplock bags or do the boys' velcro on their shoes for example. Sam's snaps on his diaper shirts are a killer. I have learned to adapt and rely more on using the palms of my hands. Weird how your body just adjusts to things. The best way I can describe the feeling in my fingers and hands is to say that they are heavy as if they've fallen asleep before you get the tingling. Other then that I am feeling pretty good. I lost all my eyelashes when I was away. I rubbed my eye and looked on my finger and there were my last few. My eyebrows have managed to stay put although they are thin and I think if I touched them they'd fall out too. I just don't touch them or wipe them. I have some leg hair coming back and the hair on my head is pure white and looks fuzzy. It's really short and you can't really tell it's there unless I am in the light. It feels strange when the wind blows through it. But at least it's starting to grow. I hope by the summer I won't need my wig anymore and can go "topless". My wig is SO hot in the warm weather so here's hoping I have enough hair to cover my head a bit.
I see my oncologist tomorrow for blood work and to talk about next steps. I am hoping the blood work looks good. It will feel strange to go back to the hospital after almost a month off. I am anxious to get back to work but I also know that I need time to recover. I am still tired some days and need a nap. I just want life to be normal but I'm starting to realize that I have to find a new normal. For now I am just enjoying being out and being able to do a bit more each day. I can't wait to dig in the garden, clean out this house and have some "me" time.
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